Do you care? Or are you just caring for the sake of caring?

Sometimes it is just so funny and interesting how things will ever end up being… What you see or presume someone to be will not really turn out to be what it was initially in your mind.

I am not referring to anyone else but yours sincerely. I may be sincerely wrong in writing down what I feel here and many will come “chanting” at me. Know this, I’m really tired… tired of everything around me. Can I be real in life? Can you please understand that I too, am a human? I have needs and wants too. I have my emotional needs, spiritual needs, need of friends; need to feel that I am important to friends etc… Hello? Anyone knows what I am talking about?

It is after much consideration and thoughts that I want to write in such a way… Interestingly, I find that I am running away from certain things. I am running away from questions like “What do I want?” “What am I not happy about etc…”

What do I want? Simply, to lead a simple life with people who cares and are concerned about me. I am not a lone ranger (though I am always alone), I need friends too. Just interesting that I know so many people but I doubt I can call them… my friend.

We might know each other but fact is that, they know nuts about me. On the surface, we may know each other for years but true fact is that, they know nothing about me at all.

Why am I writing these? Well, I don’t care how much you know about me, about life or whatever craps you know. I only want to know a few things, do you care about me? Do you bother to find time to spend with me? Do you find time to ask me? Do you know what my dreams? What am I struggling with? What is in my mind? Where you there when I needed support? Where you there when I needed encouragements? Where were you when I cried for help? What did you do when I feel down?

I doubt none knew except a few… I might have dismissed some people and said nothing is wrong but fact is that, something is wrong, just that, my question to you is this, WHY MUST I TELL YOU? Who the heck are you? Who do you think you are and what role/ capacity are you coming from?

As a friend, how much do you know me? As a Church friend, well, when was the last time we spoke? Are we that close? You call me a brother; friend but I do not know you at all. When I was in need, what help did you offer? As an ex-classmate, well, did we really talk that much? How much do you know me?

Call me frustrated, call me whatever you want, I really do not mind anymore. I give up! I have been pushing on for the past 7years; struggling for the past years. What have I done? It seems that all are in vain. Leave me alone… I want to be alone from now on.

What accountability? What fellowship? Craps! If you have cared enough, I would have known. I did not know because you never cared!