At present...

It has been sometime since I have last written down my thoughts. I still remember that it should have been approximately a month since. I am sorry that I have taken such a long time since my last entry.

For the past couple of weeks, after my dismissal from work, I actually felt rather lousy and felt condemned. I do not know how you view on this but I thought the Company was rather pleased with the performance of my job but in the end, I realized that it was a plot from the person who directly wanted me out of the Company.

This very person whom I thought I could trust, actually used things which I have told her few months back to backstab me. What made matters worse was that this particular person accused me of causing problems in the Company. Come on, what can I really do? I am of such a low position and I did not even ask my fellow colleagues to quit after what was done to me. Instead of rallying them to be on my side, I even encouraged them to do their best even when I am gone.

Anyway, I am not trying to defend myself. What can I defend myself against? So, why am I writing these? I guess, to get it off my chest... Nothing more to that…

I was so tempted to write an email to that person to scold her, to reason things out with her etc but I find that there is no more point in doing that. By doing all those, I would have given that person the “right” to rectify that the accusations were true…

Nonetheless, I am at fault too. No one is perfect. I am not perfect too.

Well! It has been about a month now I think I should let it all go. At least, I do not feel that depressed and down as compared to the initial stage.

After taking the step of faith to go to where I am heading to, I realized that I have not been having good rest. By this, I mean that I have not been sleeping early but have been up till wee hours before I get to rest. At times, I would find my pillow soaked with tears and cry myself tired before I sleep… Maybe I am being anxious, eager… fearful… I do not know…

However, at this point of time, I do feel fearful of the future and what is to come. Even though I am in a training to get licensed, I feel doubtful about what is to come. Somehow, I lost confidence in myself and perhaps, it was a blow to me. However, do not worry. I will find the strength in Him to help me through. Of course, I need you too. I need your support and your encouragement to get through this part of life… Will you stand by me?